Getting a brown boyfriend

Asking Aziz ansari to start a tech tycoon new dystany with me in MX

Going home to my small town in the old south has reignited my need for a sense of empire. Or maybe I should just blame that on my first trip to whole foods in almost five months. The things that can do to a person.
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Hi Aziz, first of all.. Love you omg
You are soo cute and smart OK!

Hi. I am going to ask you some questions and then I'm going to ask you to marry me. See, I live in Mexico City and I moved there because I'm interested in being the next technology tycoon.

what's going well? I work on the 22nd floor of a building that is at the intersection about 19 major highways we have a balcony. this is excellent news for water balloon domination. we also may have the best Harlem shake video in the southern hemisphere due to the great balcony and everyone's gorgeous latina tan. the problem is we're still not good enough. I work at google and were only about 100 people. In a country of 100m this is very bad representation. so in order to become the technology tycoon for Mexico I dream of I think I need your help.

since moving to Mexico I've learned that the most important factor describing a person is a color their hair. in fact when I got there, they all called me Guera, which means gigantic albino alien lady, even though they can't see that's my natural hair color is actually dark brown. so here come some of my most important starting questions:

are you black Mexican?
(No)
Damn!!! Black Mexicans are cool because they're still under represented in Mexico and I thought a black Mexican albino combination of the street might throw people off, which is our first chance at toppling carlos slim.

Are you blasian?
(No)
Are you sure? (Yes) So we really can't call you negrasiatico? Its a nice phonic combination of "analgesic" and "negroni", both of which are relaxing terms for beverages. come to which another relaxing term for a beverage in mexico is Indio. But some other tycoon already took that one. see in Mexico you cant even call yourself an indio. You have to call yourself a HindU, because indio is taken. Indio is a beer. Calling yourself a hundU which is strange because you're probably baptist. You're Baptist, right, south Carolina?

Which brings me to my next point: in 35 years is there a high likelihood that you will  wear a comb over?
(Yes)
okay good because it's important for our interracial children tycoons to gel their hair the local way and fit in nicely. I'm planning for several generations of Tycoonery to come.

Next question: do you Bing? (Yes/no)
You're ridiculous.

Next question:
if we fail at our technology tycoonery because negroniblasianblondie child tycoons are caught with the wrong telenovela stars in the discoteca by tabloids, are you okay with us being exiled to it huge ship off the coast of South Carolina? I'm trying to hit close to home for you, and since you are a descendant of slaves wanna make sure you feel comfortable when we going to exile.

Next question: if put under pressure because the success of our company was under the line would use smuggle fine leather goods across the border so we can have treat yourself day? coincide with cinco de mayo parties sponsored by Azizzimmermann corporation, also known as azizimermano?

okay now that you've noticed that I'm a Parks and Recreation fan: the reason I reached out to you is because your rec center nightclub with hot secretaries and gameroom would be wildly successful model for our branches in mexico.  the Mexican people need to invest more energy into being sexy, not working and watching cell phone videos. this is my 3 pillar approach to building a technology tycoon. it's how Mexicans reacted to the Industrial Revolution and the model should continue to bring us great wealth and progress. Trust me on this one.

Aziz, when are you willing to move to Mexico City?

Great, because carlos slim already has an arranged blasian albino marriage ceremony ready for us in Cuernavaca over the weekend. I'm thrilled you're in, we are going to make great tycoon babies together. Our escalade is out around back.